Ever think to yourself, “What if I’m not able to get pregnant? The worst part is … I know that stressing about it makes it harder to get pregnant, so I’m even stressing about the fact that I’m stressed out. Ugh!”
“A lot of us get so focused on the children we want to have and love, that we get carried away by worry and fear. “
Well, if you do, you’re not alone. A lot of us get so focused on the children we want to have and love, that we get carried away by worry and fear. For me, before my first date with my husband, we had a phone call where I said, “There’s a few things I’m really clear about in my life, and one of those is that I want to have more children. So if you don’t want to have children, we shouldn’t go out on a date.” After I caught my breath, getting over my nervousness in being so up-front, Peter told me that he did want to have children. A few days later, we went on date, started talking, and haven’t stopped talking since.
When the point came in our relationship when we were ready to talk about going off birth control and getting our bodies ready for conception, I was 37, my husband was 48, and my clock was ticking. The pressure was on! Don’t get me wrong, we love each other and are amazing partners, but before I was emotionally ready to get pregnant, live stress-free, and continue to enjoy our relationship with each other, I knew I had to get a few questions answered…
What’s going to happen if I can’t get pregnant? What will it mean about me or him or our relationship? And how do we keep sex fun instead of a chore?
All of these questions left unanswered is enough to make even the strongest relationship go limp.
So, what should we do with these expectations, concerns, and feelings? And perhaps more importantly, how can we help ourselves and our partner to relax into an unknown future? Fortunately, because this is an emotional issue, letting go of the fears that stop us or stress us can happen in a single, wonderful moment.
Fortunately, because this is an emotional issue, letting go of the fears that stop us or stress us can happen in a single, wonderful moment.
Here is what we did: Using the tools that we teach in our programs with couples, we “cleared the fear” by actually talking about what we were afraid of. Yes, the whole, vulnerable, depth of our fears of inadequacy and failure. In one miraculous conversation, we acknowledged the fear, let it go, and the next day I made an appointment to have my IUD removed. Nine months later, we became pregnant (with a little help from our friend Dr. Marc Sklar at Reproductive Wellness who specializes in fertility acupuncture.)
A few things that are REALLY important about clearing fear:
1. A lot of times we are reluctant to talk about what we’re afraid of. Many people avoid talking about fears because there’s an automatic assumption out there that if we talk about bad stuff, it will come true. Well, the success of whether or not you resolve fear, worry, and doubt depends 100% on how you talk about it, and how the communication is received. (Yes, the listener plays a huge part, possibly 90% of the role in this!)
2. If you’re the listener, receiving the communication of someone’s fears, you MUST hear and understand your partner’s communication without allowing it to mean anything about you, without trying to fix your partner, and without trying to make their fear go away. This is a practice of active listening so that your partner feels heard.
3. If you’re the one speaking, you must set your intention to completely communicate all your fears without expectation that your partner is going to “do anything about it.” Your intention in this communication is to simply verbalize the stuff that’s rattling around in your head keeping you up at night so that you can let it go.
If you’d like to read Four Steps to CLEAR the FearTM so You Can Get On With Your Dreams or to apply for a free 1-on-1 Relationship Clarity Strategy Session call with us, visit us here https://xj118.
If you are trying to get pregnant and you are facing fertility challenges, download your Fertility Guide ebook for free. Feel free to call Reproductive Wellness if you have any questions!
About the author: Jennifer Diepstraten, CEO and co-founder, runs FamilyCo alongside her husband Peter. They specialize in helping couples get over struggling and get back to snuggling. They are speakers, mentors, and trainers of their flagship program Relationships 202: Re-discover Joy, Connection, and Fulfillment in Relationships Naturally. Peter and Jennifer have a blended family comprised of an 11-year old son, 21 month-old son, 26-year old daughter, and three grandchildren. Jennifer holds a degree in Biopsychology and a Masters of Science, and Peter lead programs for 6 years for one of the largest personal development companies in the world.